There really is NOTHING like Australia
http://www.nothinglikeaustralia.com/index.htm
I hope you watched that. Above is the latest "campaign ad" to lure foreigners suffering a financial crisis to our lands.
At the website for "There's nothing like Australia" there has been a call for everyday (read: drunk, narcissistic and deluded) Aussies to submit there own images that live up to the new slogan. If you browse the website, there is the usual crop of barefoot bikini clad airheads and beaches, but I feel the REAL Australia isn't being represented, so I'm taking the lead.
I have no idea if I'm taking the lead or not, but I'm claiming it.
*CLEARS THROAT*
Ahhhh, Australia - There is NOTHING LIKE IT!
... where else can one take in a lovely beach...
... AND be part of racial violence?
...Where else can an idiot become a laughing stock...
...AND still be paid?
And where else can one witness a member of a democratic party....
...behaving like a post Orwellian, gerbil stuffing, white trash despot?
Ahhh, yes It is Australia! Come one, come all! We welcome people from every land and ethnicity to our multicultural society!
SO, Where the bloody hell are you? Get your arse over here and stop sooking you fuckin' fairy!
THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE IT!
- db
Refugees should be a non-issue
Refugee: a person who applies for protection from and the right of residence in a foreign country, due to a well-founded fear of being persecuted on account of race, religion, nationality, membership of a particular social group, or political opinion, is outside the country of their nationality, and is unable to or, owing to such fear, is unwilling to avail him/herself of the protection of that country
Rudd backflip slams asylum seeker door
Just a quick one on the "refugee issue":
I fear that this time the general public are to blame... by believing and accepting the BS sprayed by both sides of parliament we have made this an election issue when it should be a human rights and humanitarian issue. By denying or delaying even one legitimate refugee, we have failed as both humanitarians and a civilized society.
The ironic twist is that we are suspending processing of Afgans - the very country that WE helped destabilize - both by not putting pressure on the US in the late 80's early 90's to help rid people of the Taliban they trained and armed and when we walked into two wars in the region without an exit strategy or rebuilding strategy.
This is OUR fault, and while I wish for a world without refugees, maybe a couple thousand of them showing up on our doorsteps or being relocated to our communities every year might make people realize the ramifications of bad decisions when it comes to foreign policy.
-db
Conroy- Corrupt, Dangerous and Stupid
It appears that the older I get, the more amazed I am of the incompetence of our "authorities". Whether it is a Chief Commissioner's ignorant and stupid advice or childish calls from one side of Parliament to another for the resignation of another politician.
I won't suggest for a minute that I am becoming any wiser - quite the opposite in fact; I am becoming more ignorant with each passing day.
It's a sad fact that along with my ignorance, comes an expectation that our elected leaders are dumb and dodgey.
There used to be a perception that if you thought the Government were "on the sly", you were either:
a) Joking
or
b) Batshit insane and probably a member of the Greens.
Due to my increased frustration with the incompetency of our duely elected, I have tried to resist getting "caught up in it" and tried ignoring them, hence the lack of new articles on this website. Then the news broke that I was right -Steven Conroy is corrupt, dangerous and irrationally stupid.
After the smug satisfaction of being correct in my assessment of the Senator, a worrying thought entered my mind.
Why the hell is he still there?
It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots to read behind the lines of what happened here. The would be a number of unwritten "rules" for Senators. One would be "Don't accept gifts", another would be "If you DO accept gifts, DON'T get caught and DON'T give the gift giver $250 million a month after said gift."
The latter rule was rather specific, and he still broke it.
Going skiing with Kerry Stokes is not a crime. Allowing him to pay for your time on the mountain a month before giving him a massive financial windfall with no strings attached, should be.
Mr Conroy maintains that it was just a normal meeting. In Colorado. 13,641 kilometers away from your office. If the Senator was there on official business why did he pay his own way to get there? If there really was a legitimate official reason for him having to ge there, like he suggests, Why didn't the trip go on his expense account? Surely that is what it's there for?
The story just doesn't add up.
The more concerning thing is that although he has been caught pretty much red handed, and add to the fact that he is the biggest threat to Australia's freedom; one would think it would be the media's dream to crucify him until he either quits or emigrates to the UK.
But they aren't.
They are reporting on it, but where are the editorials? Where is the outrage?
Nobody likes Conroy, I doubt he even likes himself. Why isn't this a bigger deal?
Late last week, Conroy called out Tony Abbott for having a meeting with James Packer before opposing the $250 miliion dollar kickback - guess what? Tony Abbott was going to oppose it anyway because he is in OPPOSITION.
Ugh, I hope everyone realizes how hard it was for me to defend Tony Abbott. I feel dirty.
Apologies for this almost incoherent rant about a guy that nobody likes. I will now return to my hole where I am sticking my fingers in my ears whilst humming and rocking in place.
- db
ADDENDUM:
I haven't really been able to come up with a clever name for Conroy yet. I have Kevin Dudd, Barreness Julie, Brother Abbott the list goes on (but really stops there).
If anyone can think of a clever pun for Senator Conroy let me know!
2010: PREPARE FOR SUCK!
It's time for a sequel!
A year ago I posted a blog entitled "resolutions are for ‘tards" in which I listed a bunch of resolutions.... seemingly because I'm a 'tard....
To my surprise some of them are still relevant today, in fact one of them is front page news! Yep, I am that smart. The resolution was made for my fellow Melburnians:
Promise you will not be surprised that the Myki System is: Over budget, Not released, cumbersome, broken, a bad idea and all around FUBAR.
I'm not sure if people are surprised, but MyKi was launched yesterday, over budget, three years late and guess what? It doesn't work! With an election year coming up I sure hope Lynne Kosky has her resume in order - my crystal ball can see a public speaking job in her future.
But that's last year - what about this one?
2009 was a year to forget. Many years can fit that description but this one was really - REALLY bad.
It didn't start out too bad, in January Barack Obama was sworn in as President among much fanfare. As a dizzying high as that was, it was really all downhill from there.
The wrongly titled "Global Financial Crisis" really broke in early February and markets around the world began to free fall. Corporations and banks began to panic, here in Australia major banks froze big ticket accounts to stop people getting empty their accounts - unsuprisingly the Australian Government, used to grabbing it's ankles, did nothing.
Interest rates were slashed to all time lows, a legitimate loan was harder to come by than a liberal in Mississippi - it was chaos. Massive Job slashes across the Western world uncertainty and fear were rampant.
In early February Victoria also saw the worst of nature and of tabloid journalism when the Black Saturday bushfire's wiped King Lake and Marysville off the map, hundreds died - it was a human tragedy.
By mid year the full extent of the "GFC" was known Europe and the United States entered am economic depression and there was no end in sight. In Australia fears of entering a recession caused the government to give every taxpayer in the previous financial year - living or not - $900 to spend on... well anything they wanted. People were urged not to pay bills with it, but to spend it at the stores to boost the economy. I got an IPhone and the scheme worked, by the 3rd quarter, however, it was deemed premature and probably unnecessary. Australia who has most of it's economic ties with Asia found that the "GFC" wasn't really a "GFC". Asia and Australia would go technically and comparability unscathed. In the early 90's Australia's recession was dubbed "the recession we had to have" this year the feared recession was comically dubbed "the recession we never had" .
The second half of the year saw notable people drop like flies from the King of Pop, Punk Icons to the real life "Rain Man" and celebrity starletts.
The last quarter of the year also saw disillusionment set in for the Global Environmental movement, which has been steadily growing since around 2004. The people told their Governments the environment matters, the of course ignored the people or payed them lip service - but when it looked like it could cause economic turmoil a lot sooner than predicted a mass meeting was held in Copenhagen the world watched as the fruits of our incessant bitching would be turned into a unilateral agreement of action. It was exciting until they started talking. A week of talk and in the end it was unilaterally agreed that Global Warming is a problem and carbon emissions should be cut.
That was about it. Go Government! Woo!
Around the same time in Australia Stephen Conroy - a douche I have been berating here on The Opinionation for the better part of a year - said that he would go ahead with placing mandatory moral filters on the Internet. This caused an outrage as evidenced on Twitter under the hash tag "#nocleanfeed".
Of course I'm missing other big events like the Iran election among others but, you'll get over it.
So 2009 was a pretty crappy year. So what is to look forward to in 2010?
Nothing good it seems.
- In Febuary world leaders will reconvene to try to agree to a plan to combat human caused climate change. Nothing will happen.
- Victorian Politics will heat up, with the government planning to raise the price of an average pack of cigarettes to $20. As I mentioned on a previous blog :
Socioeconomic status is known to be strongly associated with many health conditions and health risk factors, and this is particularly true of tobacco smoking. The rate of smoking is much higher in areas of socioeconomic disadvantage.
After adjusting for age differences, 33% of men and 28% of women in the most disadvantaged areas reported being daily smokers, compared to 16% of men and 11% of women in the most advantaged areas…
Trying to tax the poor in the interest of health? Good luck with that in an election year.
- Although the economic crisis is over across the globe, the little people like us won't know about it for a while yet. The economic comeback will be slowed due to lack of investor confidence. And with the Australian Reserve want to up the interest rate as quickly as they cut it, to balance out the Governments spending, watch the number of mortgage defaults skyrocket thus exposing the rental crisis when people can't find homes.
- Australian federal politics will also hit boiling point as Australians get angry that in the upcoming Federal election we will have to choose between a conservative right wing twat and a center right wing censorship kingpin. Hopefully this will give to the rise of the Greens and the comeback of the Democrats - but will most likely end in political atrophy.
- Overseas, Obama will try to get his health care reform through, which as it's now bust the debate stage will pass as the majority of the public would want affordable or in some cases free healthcare.
- The ironically self titled "Teabaggers" will find out why the world laughs at them when they Google search the term "teabagging". They will probably change their name to something less funny like "The Job Rimmers".
2010 will be known as "The year of the suck". It's hard to be this pessimistic, but there really isn't anything to look forward to - with the exception of the Large Hadron Collider.
My resolution for this coming year is for everyone, everywhere around the world:
Buckle up, and prepare for the suck
Happy New Year and all that, now go and binge drink then drive become a statistic! Just stay away from me and mine when you do.
-db
Xmas cancelled…again
Dear All,
It is with deep regret I inform you that Chrismas has been cancelled for the second year in a row. As you should know, last year the tough economic environment caused Santa to shut up shop for a year and to his dismay, sell some of his reindeers for meat. After Obama was sworn in Santa recieved his share of the bailout money - and by changing his companies name from "Christmas" to "Xmas" he was able to avoid tax repercussions.
After a few months of restocking and rehiring of little people (they gotta work somewhaere) it appeared that 2009 would see the normal output of gifts and joy from Santa's home in the north pole. In September this year, when taking his new reindeer for a test takeoff he noticed his runway was a little shorter than last year. Not dettered he went about his business.
By late October his runway was almost completly gone. Thats right folks, Santa's iceberg appeared to be melting. Santa, being the resourceful guy he is, ordered some of his fairy assistants to sprinkle some of their magic dust on the land and grow it out, but alas the fairies had none. This again, normally wouldn't be a problem until Santa found the key ingredient in the fairy dust is unrefined oil - which was selling for almost $100 a barrel at the time.
With only a few months to go Ol' Saint Nick had to do something - he decided to overhaul his entire operation to run smaller, faster and cheaper. He replaced three of his flying mammals with the latest hybrid models and ordered all elves to work longer hours without breaks. Needless to say a few failed takeoffs and elf strikes later it was December and Santa hadn't even got around to even making his list. To sum up the entire botched operation a few days ago his annual letter drop landed in the water an estimated 2 kilometres off his new, shorter coastline.
The incredible mis-calculation was due to the unseasonable and un predictable srtong West to North Westerly winds. Santa couldn't recall a time when these winds hit in Winter.
At a small press conference yesterday Santa reluctantly said that although he will meet his shopping mall appearence obligations, this year he would be unable to produce the goods on the Jewish guy's birthday...again.
When questioned if he felt his current circumstance could be due to Global Warming and Climate change, Santa laughed and said he didn't believe in bad science and could see no connection between the rising sea temperature and the vanishing of his iceberg. Santa mentioned that he will spend the rest of his summer fising off his coast as new fresh water fish have appeare in the traditionally salty waters - a process he says is completly natural despite him never witnessing it before.
Mrs Claus was not available for comment but is said to be "Ropeable" at her husbands "inability to see reason".
Happy Holidays everyone!
Lets hope Santa gets it together for 2010!
-db
Tigerrrrrrr
@JamesBeattie: Now that Tiger has earned himself a bit of street cred, will we see a hip hop album sometime soon?
@danebraddy: I heard his new single is called "(She hit me) Wid da Club"
@danebraddy: And the album title? "Mambo Par. 5" or "Mulligan?"
Seriously though, Why the hell do we care?
As far as I'm concerned if I had his money and "power" I'd do exactly the same thing. And why are we surprised? Are we that sexually oppressed and depressed that we find it shocking that a guy had possibly hot sex with HOT chicks?
This week our leaders are attending a summit on the most important issue we face today and all we can talk about is a sports star cheating on his wife?
I hop I never have to make a post like this ever again.
-db
Hey Hey, Red Faced
Last night saw the last of the reunion specials by the iconic Austrlalian television show Hey Hey it's Saturday.
I, for one, was happy to see it "back" as it conjured up all sorts of childhood memories and made me realise that my family did have "family time" - and it was watching this show.
If you are living in Australia now you'd know that we have been bombarded by a certain skit that was shown during the "Red Faces" segment.
For those unfamiliar with the segment, think of it as an "Australias Got Talent" segment, butthe point is (usually) to make people laugh by being... embarrassing.
Usually, there is three acts that come on and the are scored from one to ten by two guests and Red Symons, the guitarist of the Hey Hey band.
Think of Red as the original Simon Cowell - sarcastic, rude and mean - it usually makes for fantastic television.
Last night featured a "nostolgia" act by a group called the "Jackson Jive".
The act featured five men in blackface dancing as a Michael Jackson impersonator, in "whiteface", sings a song. This act was a repeat of the same act the performers did on Red Faces in 1989 - a full 20 years earlier.
As soon as they came out, I cringed. The act wasn't good, at all and to top it off I swear I could here the collective thoughts of a nation as they thought "Is this racist?"
The answer is....yes (kinda).
At the end of the act, the first guest judge, Harry Connick Jr voiced his offence to the act and scored them a 0/10. And rightly remarked:
‘If they turned up like that in the United States, it’d be like Hey Hey There's No More Show.’
This has since caused a worldwide buzz about the show - for all the wrong reasons.
But here in Australia, the reactions are - strangley mixed.
On one side of the fence are the people saying "It was racist, it was wrong, it was awkward" and on the other side are people saying "It was a joke, it wasn't serious, PC has gone mad"
Some opinions defending the skit remark how it was a reprise of their act from 20 years ago, an act which won that particular segment.
As true as that may be, it really isn't an excuse. What was "OK" twenty years ago, certainly isn't today.
As for political correctness gone mad, well you have a slight point. The boys performing cerntainly an obviously didn't mean to offend, but they also kinda did. Blackface is racist and is offensive. No question.
When Hey Hey announced it was coming back for two reunion shows,the rumours began of a complete re-instatement of the show. Channel Nine and the host Daryl Somers had said that if it goes well and rates well, they will think about it.
With the exception of this sketch it did go well and rated more than anyone thought possible. The reaction to this, however, has put questions on the show returning.
It was a mistake, a big one or as Maury Fields might of said - a bloody big one. The talent booking team for Red Faces, are probably in a spot of bother, but it shouldn't have any bearing on a possible decision on the show's future.
As offensive as it was and is, if and idiot such as Kyle Sandilands gets chance after chance after, well, chance and is STILL on the air than Hey Hey should have no issue returning.
To pull any chance of the show's return because of one offensive sketch would by hypocritical and sad.
I'd like to think that in today's world we can get offended and where offense clearly wasn't intended or foreseen we can forgive and move on.
Right now I am on the "awkward and wrong" side of the fence, but if the show is pulled because of this then I will be the first person flying the "PC gone mad" flag, trust me.
What did you think? Right?, Wrong?, Indifferent?
- db
Lest we forget has been brought to you by…
Last week, the Australian Government and directors of the Australian War Memorial announced that the Last Post, which is played daily at the Memorial will be sponsored by a commercial entity.
There has been some outcry over this, but it certainly hasn’t been a shitstorm. This is probably due to the media not making a big deal of it and the fact that we GenY people “got no respect”.
It makes me wonder what the requirements were, if any, to become a sponsor.
For the sake of ironic-gold-you-couldn’t-make-up, I would have loved to have the last post joint sponsored by Volkswagen and Nissan.
Speaking of requirements, could someone tell me how in the hell the “Morrow” bar became a Cadbury Favorite?
What are their requirements to be named a favorite?
For those who haven’t had the experience of a Morrow bar, it’s basically a Mars bar with the unique ability to taste like shit wrapped in chocolate. Favorite my ass.
I promised myself that if I could keep this post short, I’d reward myself with some positive reinforcement.
That’ll do Dane, That’ll do.
-db
GRAND FINALS FEVER
Guess what people...I don't follow football (AFL to all those reading interstate and internationally)
From the media SATURATION of AFL lately I can only assume that the grand final is soon.
There is a lot I don't understand about the game, but the main point I don't get is: Why are there footballers on my television saying "We're not saying don't drink....we're saying THINK".
Now I'll admit I've been absent lately..but I'm back. Back like a bad case of herpes and twice as irritating.
In my absence I've had time to read the paper.
I've noticed a few trends it the articles....People seem to be getting drunk and beating each other to death.
This is media worthy (finally they got it right) what I don't understand is what has this got to do with football?
Has this all stemmed from the one horrific bashing?
Luke was a footballer. Not one of the AFL guys, just a local footballer kinda guy. From what I understand he was talented and could be a "player" one day. But are we now only concerned about the attitude of "let's go out, get drunk and beat the life out of someone" because a footballer was involved?
There was very little media coverage of the police officer who was bashed in the CBD in August
However today a Geelong football player (again local...not AFL level) was punched and killed BY HIS OWN TEAM MATE
And I know that this story will be across the papers for the next few days.
Now before you send the hate mail my way, I think it's disgusting that these incidents occur. There is no fathomable excuse for the acts to happen.
What I'm questioning is the timing of the "awareness" of these incidents.
The alcohol and violence issue that is "plaguing" Melbourne at the moment apparently is out of control.
I say "apparently" because I don't venture into the city at night. Not because of the drunk people...because of the weird people (possibly related).
I believe that the "issue" has been going on for quite some time, I just think that since so many footballers have been involved in these incidents recently, the media has found a 'hook' and has started to report the trend.
For the sake of my sanity I hope I'm incorrect.
Look, I have this ability to drink LARGE amounts of alcohol. I mean RIDICULOUS amounts of alcohol. but in all my drinking experiences I've never had the urge to beat the life out of someone.
I've managed to get myself into heated "discussions" with people, but it's never turned physical.
That's because I have the ability to talk my way out of stupid situations.
The recent PSA's about "looking after a mate" are quite accurate. I'll actually applaud the state government for this advertising campaign. If you're drunk and want to act like a douche bag, fine...but do it at home.
Don't ruin someone else’s night.
Where were the friends of these morons who decided to get into a fight? I'm not excusing the douchebags that kill people, I just think there should be more accountability from everyone. Are the friends of the 'killer' at fault as well?
I know we all have independent thought. But if someone "independently thought" to beat the life out of an innocent by stander, surely that person is out with friends who could have said "fuck off and go sit in the corner".
Another point I don't quite understand. Are these violent attacks occurring because we're drinking more?
I don't believe we are.
I mean, we have more reason to:
- House prices are going up
- Job security is gone (thanks GFC)
- Population density is increasing
But I don't think we are drinking more (guess I could research this further...CDF)
Are we acting out (on innocent people) because we are losing control of our own situations?
I do honestly believe that this generation has a lot more to worry about the previous generations. I also believe that this generation is not mature enough to deal with the issues they have inherited. Lack of maturity is no excuse for acting out and hurting others.
So...I guess my point is:
1. I'm bewildered that a human being can kill and destroy the life of another human being
2. I'm disappointed that the media are using Footballers to convey a safe drinking message
3. I'm saddened that we NEED footballers to convey a safe drinking message to the general public
-ms
Your horoscope today
My name is Mandy and I am a Leo. I don't know if this is a good thing or not...I can't say that my star sign has any significant impact on my day to day life.
I'm trying to work out how the position of the stars on the day I was born has any impact on how I live my life now.
Here is my star sign for today:
"Leo: Look, you can get ahead and you certainly have what it takes.
But the question to ask is at what cost and to what or whom?
An aggressive approach can get you what you want but others may be resentful and resent can be carried around for a long time.
So this is something to bear in mind today before you do things.
There may be some slight inner doubt or conflict tonight about your daytime activities too if you have followed the 'selfish route'.
Find a way to show your appreciation of a loved one tonight."
So basically I can get what I want, but I have to "care" about other people's feelings when obtaining...whatever it is I want to get???
Ahh...fail. I don't think that Mercury cares if I'm a bitch or not. I'm sure Venus has more important problems (like NOT BURNING OUT) then to care if I have "inner doubt or conflict".
But this is said in contrast to another "daily forecast" provided by some other Astrological douchebag.
“Leo: Never lend money to a friend even if he/she's actually in need of it and if you've the means to help him/her, otherwise you'd lose both your friend and your money.
At your work, you'd better make use of resignation and flexibility this time for the present astral ambiance will leave very little chance to those who attempt to rebel against hierarchic authority.
Avoid overestimating your strength and possibilities. Don't embark on hazy financial operations.”
So first I'm told to NOT be a bitch. Then I'm told to not lend money to friends. FYI...If you DON'T lend money to friends, especially when you have the funds...that qualifies as being a bitch!
Now I'm not going to claim I'm well versed in the knowledge of Astrology, but I am well versed in LOGIC.
1. Astronomy is a valid science. It date's back a few thousand years and was applied to day to day life. The mapping of the stars relative to the earth was used in the agriculture industry and for travel. Astronomy help humans develop the first calendar, and is the main principle behind the calendar we have now. ASTROLOGY however is not a valid science (even though it's claimed by some to be). Astrology is the study of planets positions at the time of your birth and how the movement of the stars affect your life.
2. Follow me here...I'll make sense.
I'm made up of cells. cells are comprised of atoms, atoms are comprise of protons, electrons, and neutrons. Protons etc are made of quarks and gluons,etc, and...then the possibility of string theory can be applied to see if quarks are comprised of any other matter.
Now, I'm situated in Australia, which is a land mass of Earth, which is part of the solar system, which is in the milky way galaxy, which is part of interstellar space, which again, string theory can be applied (once they get the theory down pat) to work out if there is anything beyond interstellar space.
So given the vastness of space, and the micro details of atoms, HOW ON EARTH does the position of a few planets affect my day to day life?
That's like saying the position of John Smith in England and Jane Doe in New Zealand have an impact on this turtle and how it's day is going to go:
Oh look out turtle, John Smith is entering the 4th house on the left, that means it's nothing but giant waves and douchebag friends for you today.
3. I was born with independent thought. This allows me to make decisions and then enjoy or suffer through their consequences. I don't think that the plants have any influence on the decisions I've made, or I'm going to make. I cannot utilize the planets the "plan my future" but I can utilise past experiences, experiences of others and FORE THOUGHT.
I'm trying to understand how someone can be gullible enough to believe that the planets actually influence their lives. I'm also amazed that people can turn this belief into a profession (kinda sounds like the Catholic church....Maybe Astrology should start it's own religion).
So, I was thinking about this a little more. If the stars do in fact influence my life, then my life should be the same as all other Leo’s in the world.
Let me list a few “Famous Leo’s”
- Amelia Earhart
- Mick Jagger
- Neil Armstrong
- Patrick Swayze
- Bill Clinton
Okay, I’m not a pilot…or an astronaut (am I missing something here??) Nor am I an actor or musician. I have no musical talent or acting abilities. And while I do believe I’d make a great leader of the free world…alas I am not the president. So the idea that the planets influence my life is not holding much credit with me.
What I do know is it. If I’m going to believe in Astrology I’m only going to listen to advice imparted by Weird Al. This week is in fact not a good time to “photocopy my butt and staple it to my bosses face”. Maybe next week?...
-ms