hack smear!
I would like to rehash a saying that has been said ad nauseam over the life of the "free" and "democratic" system whereupon we "vote" for our "leaders":
"It doesn't matter what they say, it's what they don't say that is critical"
This has been the case with our helper from Queensland, Kevin Rudd. He talked about work choices - we liked it. He talked about the stolen generation - we liked it. He talked about bringing our internet infrastructure in line with the rest of the world - we liked it.
He didn't mention cutting disability and careers pension - because we'd hate it. He didn't mention the possibility of internet filters - because we'd hate it and he didn't mention his long term "research" schemes - because we'd hate it.
Do we see a pattern here?
There has always been one member of the current Labor party I just don't trust. A member that seems slimy and as of late has made some comments that have confirmed my distaste. I am referring to, of course Wayne Swan, our treasurer.
Like Rudd, Swan has said a lot of things, from supporting bail outs of defunct industries to suggesting those whom had their assets frozen by the banks, frozen due to government policy, contact Centrelink to see if they apply for the dole. Oh and by the way - that would be the exact opposite of the right thing to say in that situation, you patronizing ass clown.
Now if i'm to apply the new rule I just totally made up - it's not what he says that should concern us. It's what he DOESN'T say, that is critical.
Then, like a bat out of heck it hit me! The government seem all to happy to try and save ABC learning centers... but why? And come to think of it, he has never mentioned babies, and our former treasurer wanted me to make at least three, so they can drop out of school and learn a trade.
Have you figured it out yet?
Wayne. Swan. Eats. Babies.
Think about it! the ABC learning centers are his feeding pools, he won't talk about having kids because it will give the game away!
Below is and artists (my) rendition of what Wayne Swan eating babies, would look like:
computer generated image
Remember folks, if he doesn't deny it, we must assume it's true.
So the next time you see Mr. Swan, send my regards and ask him if he does indeed , eat babies.
If you can provide evidence to the contrary, meaning a signed statement or better yet, a video of him denying it I will fully recant and apoligise - but until then - watch you children Australia because we got one sick SOB in the green house.
-db
Get rich quick asshats!
This is a Public and Individual Safety and Security message. For short I will call it P.I.S.S.
Email fraud or 419 scammers are, apparently a serious problem because they appeal to the basic human desire to get rich quick so they can buy the majority of shares in their company and demote their boss to toilet cleaner.
These scams, once they have you banking details, passport number etc lead to identity theft, which, I imagine, involves a Nigerian farmer making love to my girlfriend because he has stolen my identity and she doesn't know he isn't me. It cost average, dumbass, opportunistic morons in Australia a total over $1 Billion in 2001 alone.
Now I know that the arbitrary value we place on non existent credits in today's financial system have lost their made up value, causing banks to ask for their imaginary money back in larger payments. This system that is COMPLETELY made up and somehow believed in by everyone like a mass hallucination caused by placing LSD in the water supply, is failing them and seemingly making life more difficult during this holiday season.
These desperate times may lead to people actually thinking they have won the Spanish or Microsoft lottery and that Prince Akeem actually does need your help in tranferring funds so his family cannot get their greedy little hands on it, and with your imaginary monopoly money not buying as much worthless poorly made shit - like it used to - I can almost understand the desire to believe and be hooked in by these scams. It's kind of like Jesus and female oragasms - if enough of us believe in them, they can't be wrong. One million screaming Milli Vannilli fans can't be wrong.
I remember seeing a senior detective from the Cyber-Crimes unit making a statement on the news that I am too lazy to research to find a direct quote. He was talking about the millions of dollars each month lost to people not realizing that hey haven't stumbled upon some goldmine.
Now, I'm going to use talky talky marks, but this isn't a direct quote - for the most part.
"Alot of people don't realize that most of these emails are complete scams"
most. most? MOST? You know that means boys and girls- at least one of these emails was either a) actually true , b) made someone very very rich! or c) All of the above!
That is amazing. I am dumbfounded.
Why would a senior member of Police actually admit that at least one was truthful? exactly what was that meant to achieve?
But think about it my young and hip readers - in an infinite amount of time an infinite amount of things are possible! And time - (another completely made up human convention) IS infinite (because we say so). So there is no reason why I could not have won international lotteries I didn't enter, be a beacon of hope for what would have to be the only really rich Nigerian AND have won free passes to all my favorite pornography sites! Happy days! Happy days indeed!
For those of you who actually do live in the real world where you are forced to put your imaginary superannuation in a bank that then uses that imaginary money to gamble with on imaginary markets earning them imaginary money back - or as modern times would have it - losing your imaginary money to start with, you know that that these scams are a serious problem.
Never fear my flock - I have some guidelines to help save you from the evildoers! Actually I don't really know how to save you from the big banks - but I have some tips to save your imaginary so you can keep it away from the illegal scammers and make sure it stays with the legal ones.
1. If it sounds too good to be true. It probably is.
2. If you didn't buy a ticket, you probably didn't win.
3. Prince Akeem did not choose you as a noble freedom fighter from the tyranny of his countries financial system.
4. Stay off the internet.
If you were or are dumb enough to fall for one of these scams not only do you deserve it, but you probably should not be allowed to ever touch another computer again - ever.
It wasn't the fault of the criminals who hooked you - it was your fault for believing such bullshit in the first place. Your stupidity really does astound me, so much so that I believe you should be studied to ensure you aren't the missing link. Seriously.
The same thing goes for all the poor traders who are losing their jobs due to this credit crisis. You have no one to blame but yourself. The money was never real and your greed and stupidity is astronomically perplexing. This was a system made by the rich to keep the middle and lower classes down and you did nothing but propergate it for far too long. You played a dangerous game and have lost. In this new enlightenment where the public are starting to catch on to your scam, don't be surprised if the worst is yet to come. You deserved to lose you job and the big four deserve to feel the squeeze. There will be innocents caught in the crossfire, but in the longterm watching these monopolizing ass hats crumble, gives me nothing but pleasure.
- db
tick tock tick
There are 365.25 days in a year.
Assume for a moment that the average lifespan of a white man living in the hole that is suburban Melbourne is 75 years.
That would give me 27,393.75 days, around 657,450 hours which is 39,447,000 minutes to live.
Given that an average human spends a third of their life sleeping that would mean I am only awake for 133,148,999.9 minutes.
I can't really remember life before roughly 6 years old, so that makes another 3,155,760 minutes of conscious life lost bringing my total memorable time in life to 129,993,239.9 minutes.
Now that is on average. I have to compete with Heart Disease, Cancer, Cars, War, Blood disease, genetic defects, Viruses, random acts of violence and a range of other factors that could reduce my lifespan.
Assuming I "work" 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for the 40 years the Government want me to, I would have allocated 4,992,000 minutes to doing something I hate. Leaving me with 32,290,792.6 minutes to do what I actually want to do.
I'd also have to subtract time paying bills, bathing, pissing, shitting, stuck in traffic, waiting for a late train, yawning, pretending to listen to idiots as I am forced to socialize and all the other annoying things life makes me do.
Once my minutes are up, thats it, game over, I have used up my time on earth. I will never get that time back so I really should treasure every moment I can.
So, Sanjeev standing on my doormat on behalf of Energy Australia - ask me again if I have 20 minutes to spare to discuss changing whom supplies my Gas and Electricity.
Jerk.
-db
Idly Standing…
Ah, the complications of talking to someone from the US about my political leanings.
I am an Australian Republican whom given the chance would vote and be a Democrat and I am a liberal minded individual who does not vote liberal. I'm also an environmentally conscious person who happens think the Australian Greens party is, for the most part, out of their fucking minds.
These word wars which exists in our over bloated smoke and mirrors political system got me thinking. Those who know me in person would know that I am uber-critical of our nations reluctance to not follow the mistakes of our western world counterparts and actually get things right and become world leaders in something other than sport and drinking contests.
It is from my love and genuine hope for this country that breeds my contempt and criticisms. Honest Thomas!
I have sensed for some time something ominous brooding under the surface that I feel is the elephant in the room when it comes to this nation and it's future.
Ever since winning a goddamn boat race and a series of delightfully stereotyped commercials form the mid to late eighties this nation has been thrust upon the world stage and if we don't get our shit together will be soon found wanting.
In order to become a beacon of progress in the modern word, a nation must define what it is they stand for. What is it that drives us? Why should we be listened to?
With the exception of the aforementioned sport and beer angle Australia has nothing to say in regards to these questions. The reason? We have yet to define what it is we stand for.
In these dark times of economic breakdown and “terror” it is essential that a nation has a unilateral strong foundation to fall back on. If the shit were to truly hit the fan tomorrow, Australia would have nothing to look upon to inspire and define how to rebuild the nation to it's current state.
I had a blog that lasted maybe a week a year and a bit ago found here, where I questioned why there is not a “bill of rights” for Australians. I have given up on the hope that we will will see any civil libertarian moments happen any time soon, unless we separate from the monarchy.
K-Rudd has said that before he ends his first term as Prime Minister, a new referendum will be had concerning the separation from Great Britain and the forming of a new republic. It is my hope that upon the passing of the referendum Australia can have a look at itself and begin to answer the questions we need answers to.
What is it that drives us? Why should we be listened to?
I am under no grand illusion that a separation from the mother country would automatically but an end to the apparent apathy that is plaguing our little pocket of supposed paradise. Separation would be like the apology to the Stolen Generation. It would be a symbolic gesture that we are ready to be removed from mummy's tit and stand on our own to legs. My concerns, which I'd hope are not my own, would be talking points, and Deity willing, we would finally start making some right decisions.
- db
PS. I believe I speak for both contributers to this blog as I offer my sincere congratulations to President Elect Barrack Obama and the American populace on the resounding victory last week. A beacon of hope in the darkness may start the paradigm shift this world needs.
And to those who are cautious and pessimistic about the presidency of Obama, remember who he was running against. The choice came down to two – just like John Howard and Kevin Rudd – and whilst I am hopeful, in the unlikely even he screws up, on election day he was the lesser of two evils.
PPS. I am not a homosexual. I am, however, a strong supporter of gay rights both here and abroad. I would like all whom read this to congratulate all whom passed Proposition 8 last week. Well done on setting your nation back fifty years you homophobic, anti-human, inbred assholes.
The “No No” List
The Opinionation red card
In the 1600's the devil was number one on the 'No No' list.
In the 1940's-50's Damn was number one on the 'No No' list.
Our language has since evolved (and I think it has even atrophied) to it's current state.
While I am a fan of the English language, with its multiple words for one meaning, and redundant words that sound good (but make you sound like a pretentious tool) it needs to be known that there are several words that should not, Nay...CANNOT be used again.
It is my dream to see these words removed from the Oxford dictionary.
Here is the 'No No' list:
1. C*nt
This word is the most foul and dirty word ever invented. I blame "lady Chatterley's lover" for this. Who knew that in 1928 they were going to print this word?
2. Moist
This word, while clean, sounds dirty.
Even the definition of the word sounds dirty, eg: "Moderately, or slightly wet"
Do not use this word.
3. Masticate
While this is benign word, it sounds suspiciously like masturbate. This word should not be used. "Chew" will do just as nicely.
4. Pummelled
I don't have a major gripe with this word. When referring to your sport team getting their ass kicked, I think it works. Used in any other context...WRONG.
Even the definition is nasty: "Pummel - to beat or thrash with the fists". Sounds like something 13yr old boys do constantly.
5. Poleaxed
Again, I don't have a major contention with this word; however it can sound dirty, especially if you use this word and the anal region in the same sentence.
And on that, here is one definition of the word Poleaxed: " An ax with both a blade and a hook, formerly used in naval warfare to assists sailors in boarding vessels".
hahaha, dirty.
-ms