The week that was weak…
The Australian Parliament have gone to their Winter break, and haven't they earned it.
I'm not sure if that should be a statement or a question.
In colloquial terms, it's a rhetorical question masked as a statement, meaning the they have indeed earned a break.
That, however, is not my contention. I think those, how should I say this, assholes should get back to work.
It appears the only thing they have done during this sitting is avoid an early election by staving off double dissolution and make everyone look dishonest and petty (see OzCarUtegate).
The last week surely was eventful, even if we ignore the media-hyped Email scandal.
Two of my least favorite "Australians" decided that they couldn't stand for people thinking politicians were stupid, without talking about them, and came out of the nut house to remind the left why we hate the right.
Steven Conroy unfortunately reminded us he is still alive by stating that his Orwellian internet filtering scheme will block access to video games that are refused classification by the OLFC.
Currently, Australia has no 'R' rating for video games meaning that not every game gets to our shores as the developer intended. Some are altered, others are outright banned - even for consenting tax paying adults.
This issue has been red hot for a couple of years now, and with Douchebag Conroy speaking up it shows that a new sense of urgency should be placed on the role the Government has in the private life of adults in Australia.
In short, the Government should get there dirty greasy hands off my business and do what we vote for them to do.
The next in line is everyone's favorite idiot in disguise, Steve Fielding.
This week he came out saying that he has met with national and international experts, and has come to the conclusion that Global Warming is a myth and he will not support any bill that threatens job security to combat climate change.
Normally, we would point and laugh and make funny Facebook groups making fun of an idiot like Fielding.
But the problem is, he is a swing vote in the Senate, meaning he actually has some real power. That's like trusting a blind man to handle interior decorating.
Fielding, of course, hasn't named his "experts", but my guess is that these would be the same type of "scientists" that deny many things like evolution, the big bang....the holocaust...
Actually I take that back... Fielding is an idiot - there is no disguise.
Luckily we won't have to hear any more from these asshats until August 11, where Malcolm Turnbull has promised to make a stand and backpedal around the pathetically weak emission targets set by Government, you know - if he still has a job.
There are some jobs where the general perception is " I wouldn't want to do that...", then there are jobs that don't even meet the definition of the word.
-db
theopinionation.net
Utegate? What about TREVORgate?
I'm not going to lie to you.
I wouldn't lie to you.
This whole Utegate thing has taken a massive weight off my shoulders.
I was under the impression that before we can make allegations that we have read in an email, we would have to actually obtain a copy of said email.
Malcolm Turnbull has showed me that this is not the case, and I can finally let a secret be known.
I was reading over the shoulder of other public transport patrons when I happened to read an email that not only shocked, but deeply disturbed me.
The email was sort and succinct and revealed a shocking secret.
Julia Gillard, a known "Ginger", changed her name a few years back.
Her old name?
"Trevor"
This makes perfect sense. Rudd wouldn't be bold enough to have the first female acting PM be a woman on his watch - and he didn't.
Why would Gillard get so upset about being called barren? Because it reminds him/her/it/ew of what he/she/it/puke can never have.
The email also finished off by saying how hard K-Rudd laughed when it was revealed that Joe Hockey, shadow treasurer, thought she was hot.
Artists Rendition - not actual photo.
This cover-up speaks to the character of BOTH Rudd and Gillard, not to mention the embarrassment that is Joe Hockey.
I call on them ALL to RESIGN unless they can justify their actions and justify misleading the Australian people (not that we were very convinced of Julia's "Ladyness").
Of course, I don't actually have a copy of the email - as I mentioned I read it over someones shoulder.
But as MT has showed us, we don't need proof to call someone out.
- db
That’s What She Said
As Dane has been kind enough to mention, I have been watching channel 31.
Not for any particular reason, it's just there is nothing on late at night, and there is a limit to the number of infomercials one can watch.
I ended up watching a show that attempts to pose ethical questions on society. Not brilliantly executed, but not bad for a community access channel. Turns out the show was moderated by the guy who used to be in Big Brother. I think his name was Tim, but for the life of me I just don't seem to care.
On this show, so random guy mentioned how we are all after "more rights" but we forget about the responsibilities that come with these rights.
So that got me thinking. First of all Australia does not have a bill of rights, only implied rights. But that's a topic for another blog.
So thinking of those "rights" I thoroughly enjoy, I wanted to delve into the "responsibilities" that goes with them.
1. I have the right to be treated with respect, and dignity.
My responsibility is to earn and maintain this respect and carry myself with dignity
2. I have the right to be disappointed in people
My responsibility is to inform people if/when they disappoint me.
I can't say I always do this, so that does mean this right is taken away from me?
3. I have the right to "bad days" where I can wallow in my own self misery and withdraw from people
My responsibility is to not bring others down while I'm in this mood.
4. I have the right to question dumb/unfair/unplanned decisions
My responsibility is to call you on these dumb decisions.
This is why I have a blog!
5. I have the right to love who I love and not get abused for it
My responsibility is to do it properly.
And because I don't want to go all emo whingy on your ass, I also enjoy these rights.
1. I have the right to get sick of short jokes
Your responsibilities to ensure I enjoy my right...SHUT THE HELL UP!
2. I have the right to arrive to work alive.
Your responsibility...learn to drive and stop doing stoopid things on the road.
3. I have the right to crack it when I come home late AND YOU EXPECT ME TO COOK DINNER.
You know who you are, you know what your responsibility is.
4. I have the right to crack it when they close they cafe at 2:50pm and not make me coffee.
The cafes responsibility is to adhere to their fucking trading hours and make me coffee.
5. I have the right to sit in my PJ's for 48 hours on the weekend and attempt to do nothing
Your responsibility is to not interrupt those plans.
6. I have the right to screen my calls
Your responsibility is to not crack it, because you've done the same thing.
7. I have the right to eat that whole box of cheezels sitting in front of me
Your responsibility is to NOT JUDGE ME.
8. I have the right to download illegal content
oh wait...I don't have the LEGAL right to...but I have the ability, so I should have the right.
9. I have the right to yell at the television when ACA is on
Your responsibility is to join me.
10. I have the right to play neopets
jump on board people...it's the game all the cool kids are playing.
So...pretty boring blog hey?
Not what you would expect after a month's hiatus.? DEAL WITH IT.
-ms
Headlines you will NEVER see
Sure, Iran is falling apart the President is under fire and Rudd is still a douche, but in lieu of anything real to talk about I have scoured the knowledge base* and discovered 7 headlines you will never see.
Number Seven:
Number Six:
Number Five:
...well it beats Chocolate Jesus
Number Four:
...Oh and FYI - I told you so
Number Three:
Number Two:
And the Number One headline you will NEVER, EVER see:
-db
*by knowledge base, I mean totally made up
Mandy, Mother of Procrastination
Am I the only person that has noticed that Mandy hasn't blogged here in a while?
I mean I'm totally experienced in doing things on my own (wink wink), but I thought this was getting a little sad.
I decided to investigate what she has been doing instead of blogging, but I gave up after realizing that "investigating" may actually call for the need for me to "do stuff". So instead I have decided to speculate on what Mandy has been doing instead of blogging:
1. Trying to get taller:
Don't try this at home...
2. Drinking too much:
this is a simulation.
3. Watching Channel 31:
...I wouldn't recommend it.
4. Playing hide and seek with random, creepy children.
...even Mandy gives kids a head... start
5. Making Jelly:
mmmmmm... menstral flavor!
6. Teaching Peter Costello how to smile and NOT look creepy:
...it's a work in progress...
7. Having lots of "Mandy Time":
+
Perhaps this post will encourage Mandy to set her priorities right.
PUT DOWN THE BASEBALL BAT AND BLOG DAMMIT.
That is all.
-db
Ramsay, Grimshaw and Rudd – Oh my!
I really didn't want to get into this one.
I thought that common sense would prevail and rational thought would win out - what was I thinking?
Imagine my shock when SameSame, a gay community site, tweeted this:
Tracy Grimshaw is not a lesbian, or a pig. And Gordon Ramsey is officially an idiot. http://bit.ly/134H5g
The thing is, Grimshaw was upset by the comments and instead of being the "bigger" person she went and did the very thing that upset her ion the first place, she made it personal:
We've all seen how Gordon Ramsay treats his wife and he supposedly loves her. - Tracy Grimshaw
Way to rise above Tracy! I love how you never make things personal, and I love how your show never stoops to stereotypes and the exploitation of ordinary people!
And if this little, yet public, spat isn't enough it appears that our Prime Minister had something to say about it:
I think I can describe his remarks as reflecting a new form of lowlife
It appears that not only is our Prime Minister not above personal attacks himself, but also doesn't appear busy enough.
I would have though with a national deficit, a war on a sovereign nation, water crisis AND the threat of double dissolution, he still finds time to comment on over hyped and overblown celebrity hissy fits.
A note to KRudd's handlers or advisers: It does not fill the rational electorate with warm fuzzy feelings when out "leader" weighs in on debates that are
a) Irrelevant to the running of the country.
b) has nothing to do with him.
Unfortunately the hype horse has bolted and this is way out of control.
For the next couple of weeks Ramsay will be as popular as the Pope at a Bar Mitzvah.
I do wonder however how much the country would lose in tourism and consumer spending if Gordon decided to pack up his show and new restaurant and go elsewhere?
Is this, the larrikin country, beginning to lose it's way?
It's starting feel like Texas in here.
-db
OMG U R ALL GONNA DIE WEN YOU READ THIS
Hi There.
Actually you know what? I never really know how to start these things.
I never know if I should write a post as if I'm talking to you, which based on my coolness factor alone makes it an unlikely event. Or if I should write posts structured as an essay. If I were to do that then I'm afraid each of my posts would look as if it's an article for "the monthly".
The above wasn't just a RandomRamble™ but relates to a portion of a subject I find difficult to write about: Proper Net Etiquette.
It seems to be the go these days to always write with a bit of mystery, things like "The change is coming soon..." and the like. When people post lines like these on their blog or myspace or twitter or whateverthefuck© I never know quite how to respond. I often feel sorry for them because any hype they build will only hurt them in the end. Could you imagine if we seriously tried a campaign like that here?
"...soon the transformation will begin"
two weeks later:
"...prepare to transform on monday..."
Then the Monday will come and guess what? It's still just two assholes talking shit about stuff they don't care enough about to understand. With the noticeable exception of a new background color - Look at that fucking blue, that changes EVERYTHING.
I, of course, only refer to people who use the hype tactic who have no real followers or fans, just "friends" on the social networking sites.
11 times out of 10 the hype fails to live up to the product, thats why most people hate hype.
Another tactic I see being used is the tried and true "OverbloatedShorttermHype" this is where instead of spending time masturbating and posting little cryptic hype building the "author" will begin with an amazingly inaccurate and often poorly written account of the post that follows it. I believe in these times of desperate celebrity worship people will do anything to have a "hook". These examples are easy to spot as the first line is almost always something like this:
"OMG U R ALL GONNA FUKEN DIE WEN YOU READ THIS"
And ends like this:
"So now i'm liek neva talkin to tha bitch again - fuk her."
Do you know what annoys me most about these immature and pathetic "hype marketing" tools?
It kinda works.
It works because when I see these methods I instantly keep watching/reading not because I actually care what they have to say but because it's like knowing a horrific car crash will happen outside you house ten minutes in the future, you're going to be looking you you're window... you sick fuck.
In more serious-ish news, it appears douchebag and cult leader Bob Brown of the Greens party may have to vacate his seat in Parliament if he doesn't find over $200,000 by June 29th. Now normally I'd LOVE watching his expulsion over and over and over again - unfortunately though, I like Democracy (the real kind, not the one the play out for us) and the closest thing we can get to a democracy in this country is a fair and balanced Senate and with Labour holding the majority of cards already, losing another voice in the senate would be devastating.
So please, if you can cut down as many trees as you can, sell the firewood and send the money to Bob Brown.
I just wouldn't tell him where you got it from.
-db