Bloated And Useless
I love the English language.
With all it's complexities, nuances and... stuff... it truly is a wonder of the world.
Mandy has mentioned on a previous occasion the words she wants stricken from the language - I wouldn't go that far. I just want one acronym removed from the vocalsphere.
The acronym has been said in my presence only a few times, but it has become so etched in my brain that whenever I hear it, warning alarms sound in my brain at such a level that my head throbs, skin chills and muscles tense.
That phrase?
B.A.U
It seems so harmless doesn't it? So non threatening, almost cute, but for any person working for a living it is the symbol of a loss of job security.
If middle-management types were smart they would use this phrase in more situations to lessen it's harshness when used in a "serious" way.
"Hey Bob, the Giants were great last night, they got it done B.A.U!"
"You know Lucy from accounting? Yeah well she was so good it was like B.A.U for her..."
"I took the laxative and from then on in, it was B.A.U"
For those not in "the know" B.A.U stands for Business as Usual. If you manager or superior ever says the phrase in any official capacity - it's time to find another job.
Managers usually say something like:
"Look, I know as much as you do and as far as I am concerned it's B.A.U"
Which roughly translates to the following:
"Holy Shit, If I told you guys the truth that I TOTALLY know you would all quit leaving us shorthanded for next couple of months, please just keep working...yesssssss...gooood llleeemmmiinnnggsssssss"
Make no mistake, the person that makes a point of not knowing DOES know something.
they have been told by someone more important to them to lie to you in exchange for:
a) A new job
b) A fantastic reference
c)A cash bonus
d) the window seat on the way to hell
e) all of the above
They have lied to/mislead/screwed you because transition takes time if you were informed, you would leave - or at least not work as hard.
The big problem is that all Managers will then repeat "B.A.U" ad nausea thinking they are calming the troops before the surge - and the more they say it, the closer the cutoff time is.
Another sign that you are in in trouble is that you'll be doing "B.A.U" with the added task of writing down all your knowledge of your job. They will tell you to write it in "baby steps" for training purposes. They just won't tell you it will be used to train the underpaid third-world worker that is going to replace you.
So remember Lemmings - B.A.U, B.A.U, B.A.U*
-db
*Be a shrub in the Taxus genus???
