2010: PREPARE FOR SUCK!
It's time for a sequel!
A year ago I posted a blog entitled "resolutions are for ‘tards" in which I listed a bunch of resolutions.... seemingly because I'm a 'tard....
To my surprise some of them are still relevant today, in fact one of them is front page news! Yep, I am that smart. The resolution was made for my fellow Melburnians:
Promise you will not be surprised that the Myki System is: Over budget, Not released, cumbersome, broken, a bad idea and all around FUBAR.
I'm not sure if people are surprised, but MyKi was launched yesterday, over budget, three years late and guess what? It doesn't work! With an election year coming up I sure hope Lynne Kosky has her resume in order - my crystal ball can see a public speaking job in her future.
But that's last year - what about this one?
2009 was a year to forget. Many years can fit that description but this one was really - REALLY bad.
It didn't start out too bad, in January Barack Obama was sworn in as President among much fanfare. As a dizzying high as that was, it was really all downhill from there.
The wrongly titled "Global Financial Crisis" really broke in early February and markets around the world began to free fall. Corporations and banks began to panic, here in Australia major banks froze big ticket accounts to stop people getting empty their accounts - unsuprisingly the Australian Government, used to grabbing it's ankles, did nothing.
Interest rates were slashed to all time lows, a legitimate loan was harder to come by than a liberal in Mississippi - it was chaos. Massive Job slashes across the Western world uncertainty and fear were rampant.
In early February Victoria also saw the worst of nature and of tabloid journalism when the Black Saturday bushfire's wiped King Lake and Marysville off the map, hundreds died - it was a human tragedy.
By mid year the full extent of the "GFC" was known Europe and the United States entered am economic depression and there was no end in sight. In Australia fears of entering a recession caused the government to give every taxpayer in the previous financial year - living or not - $900 to spend on... well anything they wanted. People were urged not to pay bills with it, but to spend it at the stores to boost the economy. I got an IPhone and the scheme worked, by the 3rd quarter, however, it was deemed premature and probably unnecessary. Australia who has most of it's economic ties with Asia found that the "GFC" wasn't really a "GFC". Asia and Australia would go technically and comparability unscathed. In the early 90's Australia's recession was dubbed "the recession we had to have" this year the feared recession was comically dubbed "the recession we never had" .
The second half of the year saw notable people drop like flies from the King of Pop, Punk Icons to the real life "Rain Man" and celebrity starletts.
The last quarter of the year also saw disillusionment set in for the Global Environmental movement, which has been steadily growing since around 2004. The people told their Governments the environment matters, the of course ignored the people or payed them lip service - but when it looked like it could cause economic turmoil a lot sooner than predicted a mass meeting was held in Copenhagen the world watched as the fruits of our incessant bitching would be turned into a unilateral agreement of action. It was exciting until they started talking. A week of talk and in the end it was unilaterally agreed that Global Warming is a problem and carbon emissions should be cut.
That was about it. Go Government! Woo!
Around the same time in Australia Stephen Conroy - a douche I have been berating here on The Opinionation for the better part of a year - said that he would go ahead with placing mandatory moral filters on the Internet. This caused an outrage as evidenced on Twitter under the hash tag "#nocleanfeed".
Of course I'm missing other big events like the Iran election among others but, you'll get over it.
So 2009 was a pretty crappy year. So what is to look forward to in 2010?
Nothing good it seems.
- In Febuary world leaders will reconvene to try to agree to a plan to combat human caused climate change. Nothing will happen.
- Victorian Politics will heat up, with the government planning to raise the price of an average pack of cigarettes to $20. As I mentioned on a previous blog :
Socioeconomic status is known to be strongly associated with many health conditions and health risk factors, and this is particularly true of tobacco smoking. The rate of smoking is much higher in areas of socioeconomic disadvantage.
After adjusting for age differences, 33% of men and 28% of women in the most disadvantaged areas reported being daily smokers, compared to 16% of men and 11% of women in the most advantaged areas…
Trying to tax the poor in the interest of health? Good luck with that in an election year.
- Although the economic crisis is over across the globe, the little people like us won't know about it for a while yet. The economic comeback will be slowed due to lack of investor confidence. And with the Australian Reserve want to up the interest rate as quickly as they cut it, to balance out the Governments spending, watch the number of mortgage defaults skyrocket thus exposing the rental crisis when people can't find homes.
- Australian federal politics will also hit boiling point as Australians get angry that in the upcoming Federal election we will have to choose between a conservative right wing twat and a center right wing censorship kingpin. Hopefully this will give to the rise of the Greens and the comeback of the Democrats - but will most likely end in political atrophy.
- Overseas, Obama will try to get his health care reform through, which as it's now bust the debate stage will pass as the majority of the public would want affordable or in some cases free healthcare.
- The ironically self titled "Teabaggers" will find out why the world laughs at them when they Google search the term "teabagging". They will probably change their name to something less funny like "The Job Rimmers".
2010 will be known as "The year of the suck". It's hard to be this pessimistic, but there really isn't anything to look forward to - with the exception of the Large Hadron Collider.
My resolution for this coming year is for everyone, everywhere around the world:
Buckle up, and prepare for the suck
Happy New Year and all that, now go and binge drink then drive become a statistic! Just stay away from me and mine when you do.
-db
Xmas cancelled…again
Dear All,
It is with deep regret I inform you that Chrismas has been cancelled for the second year in a row. As you should know, last year the tough economic environment caused Santa to shut up shop for a year and to his dismay, sell some of his reindeers for meat. After Obama was sworn in Santa recieved his share of the bailout money - and by changing his companies name from "Christmas" to "Xmas" he was able to avoid tax repercussions.
After a few months of restocking and rehiring of little people (they gotta work somewhaere) it appeared that 2009 would see the normal output of gifts and joy from Santa's home in the north pole. In September this year, when taking his new reindeer for a test takeoff he noticed his runway was a little shorter than last year. Not dettered he went about his business.
By late October his runway was almost completly gone. Thats right folks, Santa's iceberg appeared to be melting. Santa, being the resourceful guy he is, ordered some of his fairy assistants to sprinkle some of their magic dust on the land and grow it out, but alas the fairies had none. This again, normally wouldn't be a problem until Santa found the key ingredient in the fairy dust is unrefined oil - which was selling for almost $100 a barrel at the time.
With only a few months to go Ol' Saint Nick had to do something - he decided to overhaul his entire operation to run smaller, faster and cheaper. He replaced three of his flying mammals with the latest hybrid models and ordered all elves to work longer hours without breaks. Needless to say a few failed takeoffs and elf strikes later it was December and Santa hadn't even got around to even making his list. To sum up the entire botched operation a few days ago his annual letter drop landed in the water an estimated 2 kilometres off his new, shorter coastline.
The incredible mis-calculation was due to the unseasonable and un predictable srtong West to North Westerly winds. Santa couldn't recall a time when these winds hit in Winter.
At a small press conference yesterday Santa reluctantly said that although he will meet his shopping mall appearence obligations, this year he would be unable to produce the goods on the Jewish guy's birthday...again.
When questioned if he felt his current circumstance could be due to Global Warming and Climate change, Santa laughed and said he didn't believe in bad science and could see no connection between the rising sea temperature and the vanishing of his iceberg. Santa mentioned that he will spend the rest of his summer fising off his coast as new fresh water fish have appeare in the traditionally salty waters - a process he says is completly natural despite him never witnessing it before.
Mrs Claus was not available for comment but is said to be "Ropeable" at her husbands "inability to see reason".
Happy Holidays everyone!
Lets hope Santa gets it together for 2010!
-db
To the “Nanny State”, Australia says #nocleanfeed
Cleanest of Feeds
What a mess.
We have two conservative parties all scrambling to come up with reasons for or against the Orwellian, anti-human right, anti democratic "Clean Feed" plan.
On the one side we have a quiet yet vocal douche-bag, Steven Conroy who has now had international mocking from the UK to Fox news in the US. An seriously, if you get owned by Fox News - you have a serious problem. On this side we also have a very quiet Prime Minister as if he might even let Conroy drown for this one.
Then we have the "Liberals". A few back-benching nobodies have spoken out against the filter. At first I thought "Good, they have some common sense". But then I remembered two things:
1. They are in Opposition and therefore will say the opposite of what the Government says.
2. They are career politicians.
There is nothing more disgusting than a career politician. They will say and do ANYTHING to keep their seat and most of the time will just tow the party line to stay in favour of the person in charge.
Mr Briggs said constituents under 25 in his electorate overwhelmingly disagreed with the plan. ''There's no way I'm supporting this. I joined the Liberal Party because I believe in individual responsibility,'' he said.
- the age
This quote had me El Oh Elling. Mr Briggs joined the Liberal Party because he believes in "individual responsibility"? The Liberal Party was originally going to call themselves "The Conservative Party" but decided it would be better to start the lies at the naming ceremony.
Why in the name of Nathan Buckley would someone who supports social liberalism join the party that has been upfront about it's liberty aversions from day one?
We all know that the Government isn't going to do anything about Climate Change™. It's a battle we cannot win, protecting our freedom however is something that's achievable. And who knows, maybe this will cause some of our minor parties (Australian Democrats, Liberal Democratic Party, Greens) to get a little foothold to make sure things like this don't happen... EVER.
For a split second I almost thought that it would be different, better even, if Abbott's idiots were in charge, his backbenchers are flaring up there are conservatives out there that think this is a violation of freedom... maybe... just maybe....
The Coalition has expressed "concerns" about the filtering scheme but it is believed the conservative leadership team would have difficulty opposing legislation designed to protect children online.
..maybe not.
Like a Record Baby
This would be the first time that I don't think anyone is taking the bait when it comes to Labor spin doctoring.The papers (or should I say propaganda machines?) having been touting that Conroy's blacklist would be produced using a public complaint mechanism.
On it's face it seems like a compromise, but then again public opinion is often skewed by the vocal, and as lefty's like me have an "each to their own" approach to life, we don't complain very much.
In fact I don't think a liberal minded would ever complain about a website that may be in "poor taste". I don't think there is liberal that would agree with banning anything (that wasn't exploitative like child porn).
It would be the right winged conservatives that would use that avenue to get things banned, and I don't see the Minister allowing public discussion on the final word - we don't even get an appeal process against games made for people over the age of 15.
In any case, even if it relied on a member of the public reporting a site the final say on blacklisting it would be the Government.
I don't think they would be able to spin their way out of this...
The God Conspiracy
I don't want to echo Richard Dawkins (even though he is a hero of mine), but the elephant in the room here is religion.
Terrorism, Conservatism, Guy Sebastian, Racism, Censorship and Climate Change™ (or rather the inaction towards Climate Change™) can all be linked back the humanities most destructive creation.
We have allowed religion, lets be honest here Christian (Dead-Jew-Zombie-Worship) religion, find it's way into our Government.
Australia doesn't have a constitution that outlines our rights and responsibilities or a clear mandate on the separation of Church and State. This is evident in allowing taxpayers money go to catholic schools and the performance of the Lord's Prayer before each parliamentary session. And don't give that shit about being a Christian country, because we aren't, while Christianity and it's derivatives are the largest religions here, they don't come close to making up for the vast majority of the population.
We have a big problem here, the Government wants to practise soft paternalism, and we want to let them (in most cases). The question must be asked, however, where desire to be told what to do be a larger and more powerful force come from? oh yeah... religion.
On my Twitter page I asked a friend why the US Government hasn't stepped up and said anything about this. They seem content on spreading democracy and freedom and their bill of rights onto unwilling middle eastern countries but they can't do the same for their "Close Ally"? And to get even more ridiculous where is our Queen? All laws must get the royal assent from her representative here in Australia, the Governor General. Surely they will put a stop to this! I mean it's not like they are a conservative and or religious person right? RIGHT?
oh.
I am a firm believer that it is not the role of the Government to tell me how I should live my life. The role of the Government is to run the economy and ensure that the public services like health, education and transport and available and up to standard.
I don't know what to expect really, I mean health, education and transport aren't looking so hot.
Our hospitals are a mess and my fiancee has been waiting OVER FIVE YEARS for a knee reconstruction.
Our schools can barely compete internationally and our universities, while good, can't provide enough spots for students with loans to attend. To keep money flowing in they must cater more towards full fee paying students and the lucrative international student market.
Our public transport systems are half broken at the best of times and it's far too expensive.
Whilst some of these are "State based projects" I would expect, nay demand the federal government come in and bitch-slap them for the way these services are being run.
And no, Kevin, having a meeting about health care reform doesn't count as actually doing something.
The proposed clean feed plan is due to be voted on just prior to the next election and will be implemented just after the next election. We still have time to kill this thing.
#nocleanfeed
- db
PS. If you want to get involved in stopping the Australian Government from stripping you of your freedom online visit some of the following sites:
Tony Blair’s “other reasons” for going to Iraq
Tony Blair has come out.
He has come out and said there were other reasons for going to Iraq as well as invisible and PRE-PROVEN non existence of WMDs.
Step right up and here some "other reasons" right here on The Opinionation!
Tony Blair's Top 8 "other reasons" for going to Iraq
8. Oil
7. Shits
6. Giggles
5. The weather
4. Oil
3. To find Osama... just kidding.
2. Oil
1. Misspelt "Iran" on the post-it note
-db
Walk Against Warming, or Not.
Walk Against Warming Melbourne
The world is meeting in Copenhagen to decide the future of our planet but our politicians are still bickering over Australia's role. They need to see that Australians care about climate change - a huge gathering this weekend will do just that.
Where: Meet at the State Library, Swanston St (to walk to Princes Bridge to make a human sign)
When: Saturday 12 December at 12 midday
I have to admit, I really do admire the peeps at GetUp!
They have been selective in their campaigns targeting important issues that if enough groundswell took place, could be changed.
There is a Getup! team on the ground in Copenhagen right now, and they are ensuring that the rational, intelligent albeit cautious Australians get their point across.
I won't be there tomorrow as I am a raging hypocrite, happy to yell and scream, but not actually do anything.
There is another reason I'm not going tomorrow. As long as there are Climate Change DENIERS on the oppositions front bench, nothing will be passed.
I'll say it again, I am opposed to the ETS as I feel it doesn't do enough if voted in the Government(s) can use it to distract us for years to come.
For example, say the Democrats or Greens get into Opposition - they tell the people that RuddCo aren't doing enough. RuddCo responds with "The ETS has only been in place for X years, we can not judge yet if it is enough."
Yeah, that answer would be a cop out, but if the opposition pushed the issue more, they would look like nagging, obsessive sycophants.
I get the feeling that if the ETS in it's current form passes, it will be the death knell for any climate change action until a more progressive person/party gets at the very least a swing vote.
This whole climate change issue confuses me. Like the fact that it is an issue at all. I'm not going to say that it's 100% true, because I don't know - but any second grader with a list of average temperatures and CO2 levels to tell you that it's at the very least "Highly Probable".
Take Melbourne for example, the seasons appear to have shifted ahead at least 3 -4 weeks in my lifetime alone. The heat wave happen in mid Feb, as opposed to January the rain is happening now instead of last month and it has been years since a truely "stinkin' hot" Christmas day. It doesn't even get cold until late July, our seasons have shifted. another word for shifted has change, seasons are part of our climate - uh oh OUR CLIMATE HAS CHANGED.
One of Abbot's right wing whack jobs said that he (notice how over 90% of his cabinent is a 'he') isn't prepared to back ANY action until the US does.
I know this argument. I know it well and it is the most selfish, ignorant and backward argument ever.
We are to spend money and be tough on pollution, not just because it is good for the environment, but it's THE RIGHT THING TO DO and for once, THE RIGHT THING IS ATTAINABLE.
How in the hell can people sit there and say "Well China isn't cutting emissions, why should we?" ?
This would imply that you agree cutting emissions should be done but you won't do it until they do. This makes you a hypocrite and an asshole.
How dare Australia have any say in the future of the planet (Climatically speaking) if we aren't prepared to do the right thing?
Another argument the moron used was "If we cut emissions without the rest of the world doing it, it won't make a difference"
Aside from my "right thing to do" argument, the benefits to the local air quality and the bay region would be huge. Imagine country air in the city, clean beaches and naked chicks.
OK, the naked chicks don't necessarily come with the clean air, but the chances of them being around greatly increases with NOT BEING A HYPOCRITE.
I don't hate this country, I love it. I know we can do so much better, but we refuse. When I heard the Oppositions comments on the non-existence of climate change, coupled with RuddCo's lack of intestinal fortitude when standing up to big business (he is the Unions bitch after all...) it all became clear.
Our country is spineless and is heading for atrophy. We have only been on the world stage for 20 odd years and we have only managed to show everyone that our minds are as small as our floating continent.
Anyway, thats why I'm not going to the walk.
That and the lazy thing.
-db
Tigerrrrrrr
@JamesBeattie: Now that Tiger has earned himself a bit of street cred, will we see a hip hop album sometime soon?
@danebraddy: I heard his new single is called "(She hit me) Wid da Club"
@danebraddy: And the album title? "Mambo Par. 5" or "Mulligan?"
Seriously though, Why the hell do we care?
As far as I'm concerned if I had his money and "power" I'd do exactly the same thing. And why are we surprised? Are we that sexually oppressed and depressed that we find it shocking that a guy had possibly hot sex with HOT chicks?
This week our leaders are attending a summit on the most important issue we face today and all we can talk about is a sports star cheating on his wife?
I hop I never have to make a post like this ever again.
-db
Doubting Tony
This morning, much to the dismay of Joe Hockey, free thinkers and seemingly a lot of Liberal Party voters, Tony Abbott was named the new leader of the Liberal Party.
He won by just one vote. That has got to instill heaps of confidence in the guy.
A few minutes after listening to it live on the radio (because I have no real life) I posted this on Twitter:
"Pro-life, Climate change skeptic and altar boy Tony Abbott wins liberal leadership- God help the Liberal Party"
As if almost responding directly to me Father Abbott said this during his press conference:
I am not a climate change skeptic, I just like to give Earth the benefit of the doubt
Benefit of the doubt? Surely the benefit of the doubt should lay on the side of the argument that ends in the near extinction of the human race?
Alas, the logical side of me agrees in some part with his statement. Earth will survive and fix herself - long after the conditions we have put ourselves in has killed us all.
Putting aside his religious affiliations and ultra right wing politics it is well known that he plans on voting against the weak ETS bill before parliament.
What this will do is trigger a double dissolution and send us to the polls early where Labor will surely win in a landslide. As a new leader of the opposition having an embarrassing loss on your resume within your first six months isn't really ideal.
Traditionally the two major parties in Australian government represent the centre left wing (Labor) and the centre right (Liberal).
With Abbott at the helm, assuming he gets parties full support, this pushes the Liberals to the far right of the political spectrum while as it stands Kevin Rudd's Labor party sits in the centre (if not leaning a little to the right).
I don't want to really push a party on anyone, because despite posturing, they are all as bad as each other. But it's times like these we really need the Democrats having a couple of seats to represent a left wing voice (the Greens have the far left covered).
In summation, the Liberals have screwed themselves over and this may be the end of the Liberal vs Labor government. It's feasible that a lot of Liberal voters unhappy with the CC denial jump to the Greens and then the Greens hold the opposition.
It also appears that Rudd will have nothing to announce in Copenhagen with the exception of a pathetically week plan for a 5% cut to carbon emissions by 2020.
The next couple of weeks will be intersesting if not frustrating and futile.
- db