the opinionation

Sober Mandy vs Drunk Mandy

I recently embarked on a month of sobriety.

Not for charity reasons, or health reasons, I just got so lazy I didn't want to leave the house for a month.

This month of sobriety taught me a few harsh truths about myself.

Sober Mandy SUCKS ASS.

Sober Mandy is ridiculously boring.

Sober Mandy will sit and watch 12 DVD's in a weekend.

Drunk Mandy will film enough random sex with strangers to fill 12 DVD's.

Sober Mandy is quite relaxed and pleasant to be around.

Drunk Mandy will tell you what she thinks of you and ignore your objections to her view.

Sober Mandy fills in the day by cooking cupcakes and delicious dinners.

Drunk Mandy consumes enough McDonalds as hang over food that she can shit a cow.

Sober Mandy has a "no touchy" policy.

Drunk Mandy gets lifted onto a pool table at a crappy backpackers hotel like a fucking Oscar award.

Sober Mandy obeys all traffic laws and is a good driver.

Drunk Mandy doesn't wear a seatbelt and gets flung into the windscreen, bruising her forehead when her crappy sister breaks hard like a moron.

Sober Mandy would never tolerate random conversations from strangers.

Drunk Mandy LOVES to hear about people's crappy opinions and debate people's stupid ideas (usually results in Mandy getting free alcohol from the loser).

Sober Mandy is usually quite clean and orderly, possibly bordering on OCD.

Drunk Mandy has no problems throwing up in a car and cleaning it up with her jacket.

Sober Mandy knows she cannot sing and will not attempt to out of respect for her fellow friends.

Drunk Mandy is A ROCK LEGEND and can out sing Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston combined.

Sober Mandy has a 100 meter walking radius.

Drunk Mandy can walk the entire city and not care (so long as there is a place to stop in and refuel with alcohol).

Sober Mandy is a law abiding citizen.

Drunk Mandy thinks that smoking a doobie before going into a club is legal.

Sober Mandy has pretty high standards when it comes to partners.

Drunk Mandy has hooked up with some REALLY questionable people.

Drunk Mandy hopes they were infact human,

Sober Mandy knows otherwise.

So in conclusion, yes I have started drinking again. Life is a lot more fun, and a lot more bearable. Randomness when drunk still happens, but the alcohol allow Sober Mandy to deal with the situation without running into a corner to cry.

-ms