the opinionation

the opinion of opinionating

Every week, I sit in front of a PC and try to type out what I think to be witty social commentary with a provocative and controversial edge. The people following my half of the posts ( that's right, both of you) would notice that I pretty much fail in this regard week in and week out.

I'd love this to be my fault, because I could then correct the situation - but it isn't.

Ever since birth I have been and opinionator, I speak often without thinking and I care little for what anyone else has to say. I have learned not to speak in absolutes and be as vague as possible so I can't be definitively proven wrong.

Along with the aforementioned skills I also have a love (but obviously, no fucking respect) for the English language. I like words and what subtle differences each of them have when opinionating. In summation, I love the sound of my own voice and given the time, I could convince you that you love it too.

That is why when the opportunity arose to start up this blog with the talented and irreverent "ms" I thought it would be a fun and awesome outlet of frustrations and "LOLable" observations. I honestly believed that every week I would be writing comedy gold that future generations would look upon and say:

"Damn, he was awesome - next time I'm pretending to be a pinko left wing fuck nut with my pathetically wanky friends - I'm going to mention how awesome he really was!"

Unless you are new to the english language or carrying an extra chromosome or two then you would realize I'm not finding it as easy or natural as I hoped and masturbated over a few months back when the idea presented itself.

You see, my faithful subscripts (you too, mum), a natural opinionator such as myself has a built in BS alarm that goes off every time BS is raised. Here at the Opinionation we love BS because it great ammunition to use to be witty, topical and well, superawesometastic.

The problem is that with the BS alarm it's hard to get my head around the fact that not everyone has a BS alarm. So when obvious BS and awesometastic fodder for my cannon comes up I don't think of writing about it as I can't believe that the issue would divide society one way or another, and nobody wants to read an opinion piece that agrees with everyone's opinion.

I am, as always, wrong. In the last month and a bit - so so so so many easy targets have popped up and so so so many people actually bought into the BS and propagate the stupidity within.

So behold a mini-Opinionation for a Monday morning!

Sarah Palin - C'mon, the joke is over now, who is really McCains running mate?

The Abortion bill - freedom of choice? who needs it?

Joe the Plumber - aka: Republican plant Fail and people still believe it?

Britt Lapthorne and the "uber-helpful" AFP - After Haneef are we still surprised these people are tools?

The Bail out (US) - Selling out the future, Today!

The Bail Out (AUS) - Why don't we use some of that surplus to get better hospitals, pay the nurses, fix the nursing homes, educate the little ones and realistically fund renewable energy sources to reduce our dependence on oil?

The American Kath and Kim - Love Molly, Love Selma, Idolize John Michael Higgins, so why the EPIC fail?

The Pope - Refusing to speak out against the Mob. If God's Rep on Earth is shaking in his holy boots - what hope do we have?

Wow, I feel much better now. I'm glad to have gotten this off my chest.

Now for something completely different and add to the cluster fuck of topics already raised; It may come as a surprise to some that this is actually and Australian blog. We do discuss the US election a lot and I feel that perhaps you deserve an explanation as to why we focus so much on it.

With the US election rapidly approaching I thought it would be fun to go through a little Pro's and Con's list on one of the candidates. I have chosen the Republicans.

If they win:

• Republicans STFU.
• Joe the Plumber gets his business
• Sarah Palin becomes a running joke for at least four years
• If McCain Dies Palin becomes president and becomes a joke for all time

• Republicans gloat
• It's the end of the world as we know it
• Sarah Palin becomes a running joke - with power - for at least four years
• If McCain Dies Palin becomes president and becomes a joke for all time

If they Lose:

• Western Civilization is tossed a final chance for survival
• All that voted for Obama get a "Not Racist" excuse for one complete lifetime
  
• The threat of Sarah Palin subsides

• Sarah Palin disappears into oblivion meaning that someone, possibly me, will make a joke about her and get owned for beating a dead horse.
• Organized religion will gang up on Obama, we may never hear the end of it.
• The masses will revolt when they realize that someone has to pay to fix the damage done - and it will be them.
• Republicans won't STFU
  

You have now been sufficiently Opinionated on. Take a shower quickly before it dries and starts to flake and seek medical advice if my opinion has come into contact with your eyes. Expect some stinging.

- db

PS. LOL do you like what I did there I substituted "semen" for "opinion" - seriously HOW DO I DO IT?