Xmas cancelled…again
Dear All,
It is with deep regret I inform you that Chrismas has been cancelled for the second year in a row. As you should know, last year the tough economic environment caused Santa to shut up shop for a year and to his dismay, sell some of his reindeers for meat. After Obama was sworn in Santa recieved his share of the bailout money - and by changing his companies name from "Christmas" to "Xmas" he was able to avoid tax repercussions.
After a few months of restocking and rehiring of little people (they gotta work somewhaere) it appeared that 2009 would see the normal output of gifts and joy from Santa's home in the north pole. In September this year, when taking his new reindeer for a test takeoff he noticed his runway was a little shorter than last year. Not dettered he went about his business.
By late October his runway was almost completly gone. Thats right folks, Santa's iceberg appeared to be melting. Santa, being the resourceful guy he is, ordered some of his fairy assistants to sprinkle some of their magic dust on the land and grow it out, but alas the fairies had none. This again, normally wouldn't be a problem until Santa found the key ingredient in the fairy dust is unrefined oil - which was selling for almost $100 a barrel at the time.
With only a few months to go Ol' Saint Nick had to do something - he decided to overhaul his entire operation to run smaller, faster and cheaper. He replaced three of his flying mammals with the latest hybrid models and ordered all elves to work longer hours without breaks. Needless to say a few failed takeoffs and elf strikes later it was December and Santa hadn't even got around to even making his list. To sum up the entire botched operation a few days ago his annual letter drop landed in the water an estimated 2 kilometres off his new, shorter coastline.
The incredible mis-calculation was due to the unseasonable and un predictable srtong West to North Westerly winds. Santa couldn't recall a time when these winds hit in Winter.
At a small press conference yesterday Santa reluctantly said that although he will meet his shopping mall appearence obligations, this year he would be unable to produce the goods on the Jewish guy's birthday...again.
When questioned if he felt his current circumstance could be due to Global Warming and Climate change, Santa laughed and said he didn't believe in bad science and could see no connection between the rising sea temperature and the vanishing of his iceberg. Santa mentioned that he will spend the rest of his summer fising off his coast as new fresh water fish have appeare in the traditionally salty waters - a process he says is completly natural despite him never witnessing it before.
Mrs Claus was not available for comment but is said to be "Ropeable" at her husbands "inability to see reason".
Happy Holidays everyone!
Lets hope Santa gets it together for 2010!
-db
